Author: Sherry

Being Human

Explore how to create the relationships that best work for you

Create the relationships that work for you

Twenty years ago, my health declined. Skip ahead, and ten years later symptoms had worsened into a disability.

I don’t talk about this much because I live my life dealing with my symptoms every day—that’s enough. However, now it seems appropriate to talk a bit about some symptoms that have changed my relationship with words.

Pain is a constant companion. It walks with me and sleeps with me. It never leaves me be. You’d think I’d hate it, right? Well, I don’t love it, that’s for sure. My relationship with pain has changed over the years. I’ve grown to accept it. Sure, it restricts me significantly. I walk with a cane, and although I take walks in nature as often as health permits, I do so with breaks every few steps. I’m awake through most nights—pain nattering away. And with sleep frequently interrupted, my brain and my body cannot rest and renew.

So, what’s this got to do with my relationship with words?

My physical health has had a profound effect on my mental health. I’m not referring to emotions (although you can trust that I experience some truly taxing ones). I’m talking about focus and verbal word retrieval.

I lack both.

In verbal conversation, I frequently forget the subject, and sometimes, I forget my thoughts, mid-sentence, and more than once in a single conversation.

Words? Well, they become fading shapes in a fog. And sometimes, a completely different word than the one I intended tumbles out. Occasionally, the misspeak is funny. And it’s good to laugh. However, most of the time, these events are wearing on my brain—and my ego.

I’m much better on paper.

Thank goodness.

I love to write. I can set the pace.

My relationship with words may have changed, but it is still spectacular. Sure, my symptoms make writing a challenge—some days, impossible. But, most of the time, I’m able to write most satisfyingly—and create the stories I want to tell.

So, when you’re feeling overwhelmed about your restrictions, gain a wider perspective, and explore how to create the relationships that best work for you.

Here’s a link to an interesting blog post by Jenny at Tripping Through Treacle about chronic illness and word retrieval.

Writing

How do we find time to write?

Sunflowers




Like so many things we enjoy doing, writing can fade into the background of our busy lives. How do we find time to write?
 
In this post, I’ll share what’s helped me.
 
An important first step is to ask ourselves why we write—taking our time to answer; going deep.
 
A key second step is to take stock of what is making our lives so busy.
 
As the things we collect over time can become clutter in our homes, making it hard for us to maintain good health, find space for comfort, or function efficiently, our daily routines can become cluttered. We often mindlessly fill daily schedules with overvalued, unnecessary tasks. And other tasks that once held value develop into habits that no longer serve us.
 
Like the clutter that can accumulate and fill homes wall to wall, and sometimes, floor to ceiling, multiple tasks can creep into our lives and jam it; blocking the way toward doing what we truly value and enjoy. But, like when we take stock of the things in our homes, dividing these things into categories of keep, sell, or trash, we can examine our daily routines and put our tasks into categories of keep, delegate, or cease.
 
When I worked as a Project Manager in the custom-exhibit manufacturing industry, with its crazy deadlines and overlapping projects, I’d began working many an evening and weekend. Initially, during the truly busy times, these extra hours were necessary and useful. But, when the extra demanding projects ended, I’d keep working these additional hours, mindlessly giving up the time and energy I needed to take part in my personal life—the extra hours of work becoming a habit.

It wasn’t until I took mindful stock of how I was using my time that I realized what was once valuable was now just a habit with no true usefulness, and instead, was costing me too much time and energy and taking me away from what I truly wanted to do.
 
With the same method in which I examined my work habits, I looked at my daily tasks, taking stock of how I filled my daily routine.
 
Here are some questions I asked myself:
 
What purpose does this task serve? Is it still useful? Has it ever been useful?
Has this task lost its value and turned into an unnecessary habit?
Am I enjoying this task? Does it give me satisfaction, pleasure, or joy?
Can I do this task more efficiently? Can I do this task less often?
Can I stop doing it altogether?
Does it matter if I postpone this task? Who benefits from it?
Can another person do this task and free up my time?
 
The answers to these questions, and others you may come up with, can be enlightening. Often, the results are dramatic and immediate… with positive intention, of course.
 
Many of us remember to every so often remove the clutter from our homes, thus freeing up both physical and emotional space—and providing the breathing room we need to move about with comfort and ease.
 
In the same way, learning to evaluate regularly our daily routines can better organize, and often eliminate unnecessary tasks, and make room for experiences that give us a genuine sense of fulfillment—which for some of us, includes writing.

Writing

Why isn’t my finished book self-published yet?

Barn

Why isn’t my finished book self-published yet? Somehow that needed repeating. First of all, I may not self-publish. I’m still open to continuing to query for a few months longer (especially since I’ve improved my novel since sending out some of those early query letters).

For some, once finishing a book, the move to self-publishing is a fast process. For me? Well…

I finished the first draft of REASONS a long time ago—a very long time ago. I knew I’d be in for many weeks, possibly months, of revisions and edits. However, I did not imagine that, for me, this process would end up taking years.

My novel is twenty chapters long and amounts to approximately 105,000 words. The writing community considers this a fairly “big” book. The genre is literary fiction, and likely, speculative literary fiction (with magical realism).

I worked through each chapter not once, not twice, but three times before I had what I considered a fairly polished product. This initial editing process took two years to complete. It’s important to note that during the second and third drafts of REASONS, I worked with a retired English teacher. So, with two people reading each chapter and then discussing each one, the work took almost twice as long—but was well worth the extra time. I will also add, because it applies to the timing issue, that I have a chronic illness that prohibits working for long periods. So, it’s fair to assume my illness caused this time to stretch. But, being that my working method is naturally slower-paced, I don’t think the time used for this stage would reduce significantly if I’d been completely healthy. I worked steadily and every day.

So, now I have a “polished” novel. Right? What’s the next step?

Some writers, long before a second or third draft, will have already engaged with a Beta reader, sometimes referred to as an ‘Alpha reader.’ Beta readers don’t necessarily have a writing background, though they are usually avid readers. Often, the Beta reader is receiving a first or very early draft of the author’s work—and giving feedback from the “point-of-view of an average reader”. Their comments pertain primarily to a general sense of the plot, pacing, and consistency—and importantly, emotional impact. My English teacher editor was essentially my Beta reader… with benefits—knowing grammar and writing skills.

So, back to the next step. For me, the next step was to find critique partners.

Critique partners are other writers who help to improve the quality of another writer’s work. Critique partners provide feedback that is thoughtful and informed. Each critique partner will provide criticism and advice based on their skill set as a writer—in exchange for the same from you.

Developing a successful critique partnership sounds easy, but finding the right critique partner takes time. It’s very important to work with compatible writers who are familiar with your genre, and who will provide the specific skill set and critique you’re expecting. For me, I wanted an in-depth review, one that included proofreading and grammar (which some critique partners do not do), along with thoughts about character believability and development, plot understanding and pacing, writing style (pointing out passive voice and show vs tell), to name a few. And, I wanted a critique partner who would provide positive comments along with the criticism.

Now, let’s say we find a well-matched critique partner. Let me correct that… critique partners, plural. We need several critique partners, at least three. In the end, I had ten. I think my number of partners is probably high. But I am grateful for the significant number of critique partners I had because the partners were diverse in experience and critique.

Okay. Now, let’s say we are well into our critique partnerships. How long does this part of the process take?

For me, the critique partnership took about 12 to 18 months. Yes. That’s a long time. But, the pace and attention to detail were well worth it. Fewer partners will mean less time put toward this stage, but less time could mean missing out on some fantastic suggested improvements.

So, what about that polished third draft I had before critique partnerships were even a thought? Well, that was then. Now my novel is truly polished. Or is it?

Before critique partners, I had created a decent book. Now, after critique partners, it’s a much-improved book. Am I ready to self-publish?

No. Not me. Some authors, yes. But for me… no.

Now, I’ll do the final proofreading. This shouldn’t take long, right?

Sigh.

I used two proofreading software programs. One is called Grammarly, and the other is called ProWritingAid. I’m using the free portion that Grammarly offers, and I purchased ProWritingAid for an annual fee. I’m happy with both. But why did I feel I needed them? Well, now I’m looking for the errors and poor writing habits that no one, including me, found.

And what have I discovered?

Well, I found so much more during his stage. These programs found commas to remove, and commas to add, spaces that needed fixing, quotation marks to fix, overused words, overused phrases, adverb overuse, and so much more. So, sigh, I realized I still had work ahead of me.

Now, many writers would not go this far. But I wish they would. Because there are too many self-published books that are rushed and presented for sale with these kinds of poor habits and mistakes. And, well, the whole self-publishing industry suffers.

Back to timing. How long is the proofreading stage going to take? Well, it depends on how deep a writer wants to go. I’m the type of writer that goes deep. So, this means weeks of work (because every error, every passive voice or show and tell, every word that needs changing or omission, every overused phrase takes time to correct). I’m guessing another two to three months.

Am I done now? Can I finally upload my edited and critiqued and improved manuscript to Amazon and be on my way?

Nope.

Now I need to format my book. And, this means, I need to create formatting for both e-Book and paperback. Many authors will hire someone to do this work. But not me. I prefer to learn these skills and to know how to do this bit because if I need to make changes later on; I don’t have to rely on somebody else to make them when and how I want them done. Doing my own formatting is a learning curve for sure, but for my personality, it’s a learning curve I have thoroughly enjoyed.

But, how long with this part take? When can I finally start selling my book? Geeze.

Formatting a book involves designing an attractive and engaging interior with properly structured chapter titles, page numbers, headers, and footers… and it also means creating front matter and back matter for your book. Open any books on your bookshelf and you’ll see what some of these things mean. You’ll find a title page and a copyright page, and sometimes, a unique introductory page—say, with a famous quote. You’ll find acknowledgments, lists of the other books written by the author, contact information, and so forth. And in the electronic world, a writer uses back matter and front matter to further market and promote their work. For instance, this sometimes includes a newsletter sign-up page. Wow. Lots to learn. Lots to do.

So, how long will this take? The answer depends upon the writer’s available time, experience, preferences, and the desired amount of effort he or she wants to put into it. And, if you’re like me and have a design background (or a family member in design), you might also choose to create your book cover (which is a whole other process—including studying trends for one’s genre). For me, learning from scratch for this stage means I’m looking at a couple of months at least, probably three by the time a cover design is completed.

Where are we at now? Let’s add it all up:

Revisions after the first draft: 2 years.
Critique partners: 1 to 1-1/2 years.
Proofreading: 2-3 months.
Formatting: 2-3 months.

So, yes! I finished my book years ago!

And when people ask, “Where is it?”

My answer, for a while yet, is, “I’m working on it.”

(update: my novel, REASONS three lives, one soul, was indie published February 2022)

Mindful Living

The wonderful benefits of 42 days in isolation:

Iceland solitary

Before I tell you about my experience being sick, my heart aches for every person affected by this pandemic. For every life lost, I feel profound sorrow. For every person who is sick or recovering or long-hauling this thing… well… I hope you get better. I hope you come out the other side of this thing without lingering issues. I hope you are well now, as you read this. Most importantly, to all who have lost a loved one or a business or an income or anything I miss addressing… I’m deeply sorry.

I wish you love and healing.

Despite eighteen days of physical distancing, with my husband being the sole shopper and going to no more than one grocery store per trip (two trips per week if prescriptions were needed), I developed symptoms of some kind of virus.

It could have been a regular cold, but it felt different.

Although we had cleaned our reusable bags, had been persistent and hyper-vigilant about wearing masks, washing our hands frequently… sanitizing surfaces, cleaning taps, handles, door knobs, tv controllers, smart phones, keypads, dials, mouse(s), flash drives and so forth… we did not start cleaning our grocery purchases until about ten days into lockdown.

So, it’s possible that I picked up something from the grocery purchases, or from the mail, or from a trip to the local hospital for a pre-scheduled medical test. I’ll never know. My husband had been home from his place of work since March 20… and gratefully, was showing no symptoms at all.

My first day of isolation was April 7.

For me, the virus showed itself in the form of a sore throat, then body aches, then lots of nasal mucus. I soon also experienced heavy sweating and headache. But no cough. No trouble breathing, and no headache. One day later, and on came chills and a low-grade fever of 99.48 F (my normal temperature is 97.7 F to 98.42 F). My sore throat worsened and I developed a hoarse voice.

By evening of the second day of illness, I was noticing shortness of breath upon mild exertion. All of these symptoms, plus a stiff neck and swollen glands in my throat… lasted for many days.

I had a fever for thirty-four of the forty-two days I spent in isolation… reaching no higher than 99.86 F. I started to feel better by day thirty-seven.

I left isolation (my bedroom) on day forty-three, after virus symptoms had subsided, and seventy-two hours had passed without a temperature.

My husband remained healthy. He was my biggest worry. We were very careful. I missed hugging him. I love him so very much. We make a great team. We developed at routine pretty quickly. Some things were awkward at first: making meals, cleaning dishes, single bathroom use and such. But, by the time two days had passed, we had a solid routine in place.

My bedroom became my sanctuary. I was content, mostly because my isolation kept my husband safe.

On day eighteen of my isolation, I was tested for COVID-19. About seventy-two hours later, my results came back negative. A representative from our local hospital had called to confirm the negative result. I told her that my symptoms were still persistent and unlike anything I’ve had before… seventeen days of throat irritation, swollen glands, chest heaviness, fever and so forth. I was concerned about a false negative test—because I was very worried about infecting my husband.

The nurse told me that she’s heard of many other people saying the same thing. She advised me that the test itself is not faulty, but if it is not performed well enough to get enough mucus on the swab (from the back of the throat), then the test can miss the virus. So… well, what do you do with that information? Very little. Just one day at a time.

So, yes, I was nasty sick for many days, and I’m not certain that I did not have COVID-19.

Today, I could buy an antibody test, but apparently COVID-19 antibodies are hard to detect after four months have passed since infection. I left my isolation on May 19 (almost eight months ago).

I’ll never know for sure whether or not I actually contracted COVID-19. Nevertheless, I don’t regret choosing to isolate. And as the title of this post suggests… during those dreadful sick days, I also experienced the wonderful benefits of 42 days in isolation.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for your patience. I want to tell you about the extraordinarily peaceful moments I experienced during my days in isolation.

I want to tell you about the people I met, and the lessons I learned.

Books I've Read

The love of books and the joy they bring.

Angel and wheel

I’m an avid reader. I read both non-fiction and fiction, but it’s fiction that interests me for this post.

When I think about the fact that so many of us love to read stories that other people have made up… the idea sounds extraordinary.

Of course, yes, we’ve been reading make-believe stories for thousands of years (go ahead, look it up). Nevertheless, I do wonder about why we do. I find the idea intriguing.

Why do we so enjoy reading stories about made up people and events? Why do we read stories imagined and written by people who, most likely, we don’t know? Think about it. We spend hours and hours reading ‘literary work based on the imagination and not necessarily on fact’; ‘a deliberately false or improbable account’. Why?

Well, I can give you a few reasons why I do:

I’ll start with the fact that I enjoy journeying along with the character or characters in a good work of fiction, vicariously living their failures and triumphs… and discovering a whole new world in the pages of a well-written book. And when the writing is so good that everything else falls away, when my world shrinks down to the words and phrases on the page, it’s as if I’ve become a part of the story, a character of sorts… whose only job is to observe every detail, and feel every emotion and gesture. I become so invested imagining the movements, seeing the sights, hearing the sounds, feeling the moods… that, momentarily, my own life becomes a gentle vibration in the background. I’ll eventually return to the beat of my own world. Until then, I’ll remain happily immersed in the world that the author has created.

Another enjoyable consequence of reading great fiction is the ability to reread an expertly written phrase or even a whole paragraph or two.

And when this happens, it inspires me to make improvements to my own writing. I’m happily studying the author’s choices… curious and learning… encouraged and motivated.

Sometimes, and usually surprising myself when this happens, when the words and phrasing perfectly emote a wholly relatable experience, I find myself outwardly expressing the emotion, laughing or crying… wholly engaged, taken aback by the richness of the words.

And most gratifyingly, when a fictional story teaches me something profound, something that changes me for the better, I cannot help but sit in the awe of that moment.

The power of outstanding fiction is extraordinary.

Just consider the fact that reading provides infinite opportunities to gain knowledge… about anything and everything. How exciting is that? Yes, there’s a lot to learn from fiction. Good writers do their research. They take time to get the details right, about a myriad of places and people, things, events and eras. And I’m the type of reader who stops to look up an unfamiliar word or person or phrase or whatever might interest me to know more about. I’m definitely a reader who has gained knowledge from many a good work of fiction… and I consider this a satisfying bonus.

To become thoroughly engrossed in a good book is a wonderful use of time. And like so many of us who choose to read fiction, I too feel that funny sense of loss that comes with reading the last page of a really good story. A pile of books nearby and waiting to be read, is the fix.

So, there we have it… a little contemplation about why I, like so many of us, love to read stories other people have made up. It seems it’s a pretty straightforward idea after all.

Writing

The value of creating relationships with critique partners.

Summer trail walk

Creating a critique partnership is worthwhile. Here’s my experience:

When I finished the first draft of my novel, REASONS, I was fortunate to have a retired English teacher as my neighbor. He graciously and patiently gave me his time and his wisdom… and helped me to improve my writing.

I remember the feelings of vulnerability and nervousness that came with having someone read my novel for the very first time. But my excitement and desire to make my book the best that I could make it outweighed these early timid emotions.

It was time to turn a roughly written draft into a book I’d be proud to share with the world.

My neighbor and I worked side by side for a long time. And when we were done, I had a much improved book. I had a finished book. Well, almost finished. The time had come to find an audience with fresh eyes, people who would be willing to read and critique my book. It was time to create relationships with critique partners.

To find critique partners I:

  • Joined the Canadian Author’s Association.
  • Researched and joined two local writer’s groups.
  • Became an active member of Critique Match online.

By joining these varied groups, I was able to meet other writers, share my writing experience, and learn from theirs. In time, from within each group I was able to find wonderful critique partners.

Here are a few of the things about critique partnering that I’ve learned along the way:

When creating a critique partner relationship, it’s important to start by sharing a sample chapter with your potential partner, to see if the two of you are compatible. Sometimes critique styles are too different from one another, or experience levels are too far apart.

Be sure to tell your critique partner exactly what type of critique you want, and what type of communication you expect. Do you want proofreading? Copy and line editing? Plot or character critique? Some of us want anything and everything a critique partner has to give, while others want a more narrow and specific type of critique. It’s important to be direct with your critique partner, and to be clear as to what he or she expects from you. For example, I enjoy being able to engage in a dialog about certain critique comments that seem to have misinterpreted my writing intentions, or seem noticeably subjective. For me, the point of a discussion is always to improve my manuscript.

During my critique partner experience, I’ve had some wonderful discussions that led to fantastic improvements to my manuscript (or to my critique partner’s manuscript). Other times, an open and courteous discussion led a critique partner toward a different point of view. But some critique partners have the view point that the writing should “speak” for itself, that any critique that is a misinterpretation of the work, is the fault of the writing. These particular critique partners are often not open to discussion. So, it’s good to have an upfront conversation about your critiquing style and your expectations.

Be open, and stay open to your partner’s critique. Remember, your goal is to improve your work. So, set your sensitivities aside. Sit with a critique for awhile. Let in settle. Very often, there’s something to be gained even if, at first glance, the critique seems off base or too harsh.

It’s okay to change critique partners. Sometimes we just don’t click.

Sometimes our work habits are just too different from one another, or our skill levels are too far apart. It’s better to politely end a non-productive relationship early, rather than get too far into the process to comfortably back out.

Always be courteous. There’s absolutely no good reason to give a mean-spirited critique. To do so is hurtful and off-putting. Even the most difficult of critiques can be balanced with what is working. Don’t be that critique person who only looks for what’s wrong. Critiques are as much about supporting what is working as they are about pointing out what needs improvement.

A good critique partnership is one where each person is encouraged and inspired to keep writing.

Critique partners give us a fresh look at our work. Speaking for myself, my manuscript improved in ways that only happened because I chose to participate in critique partnerships, and because my critique partners were a wonderfully varied group. Each partner gave me something worthy and unique. It’s not easy putting your work out there to be judged. But the end result is most often well worth the initial uncertainty. And remember, if your first critique partnership turns out to be a negative experience, the next one is a whole new opportunity. So, shake off what didn’t work and go into your next partnership with a mindful heart and mind.

Not every critique has to be accepted. Some critiques are simply subjective opinions. If, for example, you disagree with an issue your critique partner has presented, you can just let it go and move on, or you can wait to see if your other critique partners provide a similar critique… and then make the appropriate changes. In the end, you’re the author. It’s your book and your decision.

As a critique partner, your own writing skills will improve through your critiquing of your partner’s work.

Whether you’re critiquing grammar, sentence structure, character development or plot structure, you will steadily increase your own knowledge of the art of writing. This is a wonderful and often unexpected benefit.

There is great value in creating relationships with critique partners.

In this post, I’ve tried to describe some of this value as I have experienced it. Frankly, I personally had no idea just how valuable the critique partnership was… until I encountered the benefits for myself.

I hope your experience is as rewarding as my has been. Keep inspired, and keep writing. Creating a critique partnership is worthwhile.

Writing

How to decide to query for agent representation or take the self-publishing route.

Volkswagen bug and tree

I am in the process of querying my manuscript. So, for me, the question is not about whether or not I query. It’s a question about how long I query?

I’ve only just begun to look for agent representation and I’m patient. But querying takes a lot more than patience. It takes time to prepare a great query letter, diligence to search for an appropriate agent, focus to research submission guidelines, and care to keep it all organized.

And sometimes, after all of that, some of us find only one or two agents that seem like a good fit.

Not so long ago, I was firmly set on traditional publishing. My plan was to query for a year, maybe eighteen months, and if nothing came of my efforts, I’d consider self-publishing. But I’ve become more flexible in my thinking. I’m not so sure that I want to wait that long, especially when I’m sending out fewer letters than I had hoped. I realize that many writers query for much longer than a year or two, but that’s not my preference.

My evolving opinion has been influenced by the ups and downs of my everyday life. As time passes, and I experience path-altering, life-changing events, I find myself with a much more simplified perspective.

I used to believe that traditional publishing was the only way to go. I regret to say that I used to perceive self-publishing as a negative last resort.

Admittedly, some of the self-published work I come across today can still spark this negative point of view. Too many self-published books seem rushed. They are presented with typos and grammatical errors, badly formatted, or have non-professional, clumsy covers. With so many glaring issues, it’s hard to imagine that these same books contain well thought out plots or engaging characters. Maybe they do, but the thing is… many people will likely never find out because they’ll have trouble getting past the mistakes and issues.

Now, having said that, it’s fair to say that even the most thorough among us can miss a typo or two, or overlook a grammatical error. But that reality is quite different from a so called finished book chocked full of problems.

Self-publishing is hard work. But to make one’s book the best it can be before putting it out there for all the world to read… is well worth the effort. A good self-published book gives the entire industry a well-deserved boost.

Okay, so, what about traditional publishing? There are indeed some truly great benefits to having agent representation. Here are a few of them:

  • Literary agents are positioned to take care of the business side of writing.
  • Agents know the publishing business and they have established relationships with major publishing houses. They know who’s who.
  • Agents know how to get an author a book deal because they know how to get the ear of the right person for a particular book.
  • Agents know how to negotiate the best deals possible. They know how to troubleshoot and how to fix problems.
  • Agents are the conduit between the writer and the editor.
  • They know how to talk the talk.

Knowing the above, why would anyone go it alone?

Well, because it can be really hard to get an agent’s attention… and then keep it… and then receive an offer of representation.

After a writer has slugged through the many drafts of a query letter, and finally settled on the version she hopes will work, the rest of the query process isn’t all that difficult… but it is definitely a challenge.

Finding the most appropriate agent to query is hard work and time consuming. The process appears straightforward: research agents, read their manuscript wish lists, read what they like and what they don’t like, read their submission guidelines… and when a writer finds an agent who’s seeking the kind of book he’s written… he’s sends off his query and can give himself a well-deserved pat on the back!

But I’ll be frank, not all agent wish lists are as direct as I’d like. Too often, I find myself trying to interpret what an agent has described… deciphering their character and topic preferences, or translating their colorful genre descriptions… and wondering if my manuscript fits. If I find myself wondering for too long… I’m off to the next agent… and hoping to find a clearer connection. I don’t fault the agent for this complexity. It’s the nature of the business! But I do appreciate when I come across a clear and concise wish list.

Added to the challenge of the query process is the fact that literary agents receive thousands of letters each and every month.

Agents are really busy. Weeks or months might pass by before a query letter is located and read. More time will pass, and then a letter of rejection will show up in a writer’s inbox. And when an agent does ask a writer to submit part or all of a manuscript, the request is certainly exciting, but the overall process remains relatively unchanged… time passes and the writer waits. The harsh reality for most of us writers is that more than not, absolutely nothing happens. We hope and we wait. And sometimes, as the days pile up, we writers have been known to wonder if our query letter was received at all! Odds are it was.

For most of us, we understand why the query process takes so long, and why we don’t always hear back from a potential agent. Agents are human beings too. Not only are they busy, but they have lives to live just like we do. But, what now? We’ve queried a few select agents. What do we do now? What if we don’t hear back? What if we do hear back and the news is negative?

Well, while we writers are waiting for a reply… we send out more queries.

And, if we do receive a rejection letter, it’s best to be genuinely grateful. A rejection letter is proof of receipt. And a reply from an agent is that agent taking the time to respect and acknowledge us. Sometimes, if we’re really lucky, we may even receive a rare and valuable critique, or a word or two of encouragement.

If we happen to receive a request for part or for all of our manuscript, fantastic! And, for some presumably talented writers, lightning does strike more than once. For them, it’s appropriate and respectful to inform all of the agents involved that multiple requests have been received. Oh, what a problem to have!

Okay. Great. Our book is complete. We’ve made it the best that it can be, and we’ve been querying. That’s good. That’s great. That’s amazing! Right?

But for how long? How long does the query stage last before a writer chooses to self-publish? I don’t think there’s a universal answer. But, here’s mine: I don’t know.

I really don’t know. It’s a personal choice. And I can definitely sense myself leaning closer and closer toward the idea of self-publishing. My increasing lean is less about the possibility of never receiving agent representation, and more about believing that I can create a solid self-published product.

I’ve been researching and studying the self-publishing option. Recognizing the hard work involved, I’m starting to see the potential for self-publishing success… and I’m discovering the benefits. I’m one of those people who enjoys marketing almost as much as writing… almost… certainly enough to enjoy the business side of the work. So, I just might give it a swing!

And another important aspect to remember about literary agent representation is that if we find an agent to represent us, the hard work is far from over. Many more months can pass before that agent finds a publisher interested in publishing our book. And sometimes, despite their best efforts, our agent can’t find a publisher for our book. Literary agent representation does not guarantee a published product. But, don’t let this stop you from querying. It’s just something to keep in mind.

In a future blog, I’ll share what I’ve learned about self-publishing. In the meantime, I’ll be sure to keep you up-to-date as to how the querying process pans out for my novel, REASONS.

Cheers and keep at it! Like fast ed in the image below… if you stay dormant for too long, a tree might grow through you… and then what?

Being Human

Enjoy the perks of knowing authentic people.

Boardwalk trail

An authentic person shows you exactly who she or he is. No pretending. No performing. No exaggerating. No bull.

Well, that’s my experience anyway.

Authentic people are: What you see is what you get (a phrase some relate to wysiwyg, pronounced: whizzywig. An acronym with an authentic story all of its own. But I’ll leave that extra bit of research to you). I’m using the phrase in the way Flip Wilson’s Geraldine used it: a ‘plain-speaking person with no hidden agenda’. I’m a big fan of straightforward people who aren’t pretending to be anything but who they are, warts and all, with no nonsense and no secret order of business.

For me, one of the perks of knowing authentic people, is the ease of being I feel when I’m with them.

And as a bonus, when the authenticity is reciprocal… when I am present and wholly genuine… well… the overall experience can be a bit like an elixir… a sweet remedy that removes the ill effects of all that past “trying to fit in to be accepted”.

If you’ve spent time with a notably genuine person, and have offered them the same of yourself, you know the feeling I’m talking about; the calm, comfort that comes with being completely who you are… each of you sincere and mindful.

The experience is extraordinarily refreshing, and definitely one of the more satisfying perks of knowing authentic people.

I know. I know. Authenticity isn’t always all good. I might admire the authenticity in a person, but that’s not the same as admiring the person. An authentic person might not even be likable. Like me, you probably know some inherently genuine people who make you cringe. And yet, no matter how often they might anger you or even repulse you, you always know where they stand. And in my opinion, that’s a perk.

Because, for me, no matter how much or how often another person’s opinions and beliefs may go against my own, their straightforward what you see is what you get character… will remain one of the reliable and consistent aspects of our relationship. And for me, that trustworthiness and undeniable authenticity, encourages me to be the same: genuine, dependable and clear. And then together, from within this place of mutual authenticity, we have the opportunity to make an honest and real connection. We have the chance to build bridges.

And bridges create a common point where people can meet, greet, debate and deliberate, and if all goes well… cooperate and flourish.

So, why do so many of us have such trouble being authentic? Why do we put so much effort into “trying to fit in to be accepted”? We even behave in this way when we are with our own family members. It’s an exhausting way to be, not terribly useful, often dissatisfying, and serves to promote the false belief of not being enough just as we are.

It should go without saying that I’m no therapist. I’m just a writer who has done a lot of self-reflection, and who spends a lot of time observing the behavior of people for the purpose of character-building for my stories. So, I’m not about to attempt any kind of analysis here.

But I’ll offer this about my own experience. When I was much younger, I didn’t want to be judged as not enough, and I used to loath the thought of rejection, let alone living it as an actuality.

I’d go out of my way to try to keep everyone happy, leaving little room for being authentically myself. It’s an anxious way to be, mostly just a set up for failure, and a sure sign of living way behind or ahead of the present moment.

I’m grateful to have evolved. But when I slip back into old habits; when I recognize that I’ve begun to forget that I am enough. I settle down. Literally. I settle into my body; the pull of gravity; the support of the ground beneath me. Whether I’m standing or sitting, walking or riding… I breathe with awareness and relax. Usually three good breaths are enough to fully settle. My shoulders relax, as does my jaw, my pelvis, and even my eyes.

And I am once again present… and authentic.

Sure, there are times when life is so fast and loud that I get caught up in the powerful flow of it all. And sometimes, I forget to settle. But, in time, after years of practice, even with the weight of my responsibilities, chronic pain, fears, worries, changes and other pressures… I can call up awareness… once more remember to settle… and again, be authentic.

An authentic person shows you exactly who she or he is. Being an authentic person yourself, is the greatest perk of all.

Writing

And now a few words about my writing process.

Summer trail

In short, when I wrote REASONS, I didn’t have a writing process. It’s true, I didn’t. But my lack of a plan didn’t stop me from writing a novel. I wrote every single day… adding words, sentences, paragraphs and chapters bit by bit until I had a complete first draft.

That first draft wasn’t pretty, but it was a finished story. My lack of a laid out plan hadn’t made the act of writing any less satisfying for me. And for that particular novel, it hadn’t made the overall story any less worthy.

When I decided to write REASONS, I simply started writing. And I wrote as often as I could… squeezing writing into my day whenever a free moment presented itself. I added to the story as the ideas came to me. When I say, as the ideas came to me, I mean the ideas that connected the important parts of the main plot of the story… a plot that I had already formulated in my mind.

I knew the story that I wanted to tell, and I knew the message that I wanted it to convey.

The basic story line, and the lessons learned in REASONS, came from my own life experience. And because of this fact, the real-world characters in the story had been floating around in my head long before the actual writing of these characters became a reality.

Having said that, the story of REASONS is told through the genre of literary fiction/magical-realism, and all of the magical-world characters in the novel were created as the story unfolded.

The ideas would come to me at all times of the day and night, as they do for many writers. And the tiniest of observations could bring on the full development of a character or even a whole chapter.

I understand now that there’s a term for my kind of writing process (or lack thereof). I’m what’s called a pantser. According to The Write Practice: ‘A plotter is someone who plans out their novel before they write it. Whereas a pantser is someone who, “flies by the seat of their pants,” meaning they don’t plan out anything, or plan very little.’

That’s me folks… door number two: Pantser! And I didn’t even know it, which seems to prove just how committed I was to non-planning. But seriously, I simply wrote the story as the connections unfolded.

To be frank, I knew very little about the process of writing when I started writing REASONS. However, after editing the novel twice through, and then a third time while working with various critique partners… boy oh boy, I learned a lot!

And still, I wouldn’t have wanted to write my first novel any other way.

Now, in saying that, the writing process for my next book will be different. The new novel will involve more planning. But not because I’ve changed my ways. No. The new novel simply naturally requires planning. Unlike REASONS, the new story does not have its roots squarely planted in my personal life experience… where the characters and basic story line sort of had a head start. The new story line, and each character, event, and connection will stem from pure imagination… no drawing from my life this time.

So I’ll plot and plot and plot. And you know what? I’m excited about plotting.

I think it’ll be a nice change to have some stepping stones in place before I begin venturing across the river of brand new story building.

We’ll see. When I’m done, I’ll let you know how the two ways of working compare: pantser vs plotter.

Either way, I’ll keep writing and I’ll enjoy every single word… no matter how I come to write it. I believe there’s no right or wrong way to write. The important thing is to do it. Just write. Get that first draft done. Have a chuckle at how much work it needs, and then get to fixing it.

Like a new flower in the early morning light,
fragile and fleeting and full of life…
imagination blooms in all of its glory…
when words come together, and you write your story.

Mindful Living

When I learned about living mindfully… part two

Zen
Part two of two:

It’s time to pay attention.

When I learned about living mindfully, my life changed profoundly. After my first time sitting formally in meditation, almost immediately I noticed a sense of calm ‘rightness’ within me… a soundness deep inside that I’d not felt for a very long time.

This sense of stability and wholeness, a quality that seemed both familiar and revolutionary, may have been a wee spark at the time, but it was there, and I had definitely embodied it. 

Now, having said that, sitting formally for the first time, and for the first few attempts that follow… many of us can feel as if we are somehow “doing it wrong”. This initial reaction is common.

We think we’re failing because we can’t stop thinking, our nose itches, our back hurts, and every second seems a struggle.

If this sounds familiar to you… give yourself a break… and some loving kindness and compassion. Keep at it. Be patient. Keep practicing. There’s no right or wrong way to meditate. There’s nothing to fail.

Just sit quietly, breathe with awareness, leave judgement aside, and as your practice grows, so will you.

It’s time to pay attention.

Now, here’s something else I learned early on. Let’s say after cultivating your mindfulness skills you realize just how much you love meditating and you want to tell everyone about the benefits of mindful living. Not everyone wants to hear about your mindfulness experience. Matter of fact, in my case, no one did. And that’s okay. Well into my practice, I discovered that most of the top mindfulness experts advise newcomers to keep their mindfulness journey to themselves. They don’t suggest this as if you are to keep some kind of deep, dark secret. They give this advice because taking it helps you to stay focused on your well-being.

The people who are close to you will see the benefits of your living mindfully just by experiencing how you conduct yourself. And that’s how you spread the positive news.

And that brings me back to how living mindfully has profoundly changed my life. Although I very quickly realized the benefits of meditation from the first time I sat, a lot of time would go by before I recognized just how much the practice had genuinely changed me. So, what is mindfulness anyway? And what is it not? Let’s start with the latter question first. And just so I’m clear, although I’ve read a lot about mindfulness, and listened to many experts, I am not an expert. I’m only sharing what my experience has been.

Mindfulness is not meditation, but meditation is a wonderful way to cultivate awareness.

Additionally, meditation doesn’t always mean sitting still on a cushion or chair. It can be done while walking or eating or washing the dishes or gardening or, well, you get it. And even though mindfulness was taught by the Buddha, it isn’t a religious belief or system. Mindfulness is not about sitting back and relaxing and it isn’t always easy. It takes commitment and perseverance, and constant gentle reminders. And finally, mindfulness is not about shutting down or stopping thoughts. It’s quite the opposite of that impossibility…

Mindfulness really gives you some remarkable insight into how your mind works. Oh boy, the things you can learn about yourself!

Mindfulness doesn’t mean you won’t feel sad. In the same way mindfulness brings awareness to your thoughts, it brings awareness to your emotions… all of them, the good, the bad, and the neutral. And it brings awareness to your bodily sensations too.

Here’s what mindfulness is to me. It’s bringing caring attention to the present moment without judgement, just observation of what is. This doesn’t mean that I don’t ever have an opinion. I do. I just try to state my opinion mindfully… aware of my thoughts in the moment, aware of my bodily sensations in the moment… noticing them… letting them go… over and over and over again… while being present for whoever I’m talking to, listening mindfully, trying not to interrupt (which is quite the learning curve for some of us).

Mindfulness is being present even if the moment isn’t pleasant.

Practicing mindfulness has helped me to find acceptance in things as they are. Again, this doesn’t mean that I don’t make changes in my life if I feel that I need to improve upon something, especially when it affects my well-being. Practicing mindfulness just means that I do so from a more peaceful place of compassion and insight… and if I’m lucky, maybe even a little wisdom.

Living mindfully has helped me to make decisions with true awareness… without being mindlessly led by the ongoing chatter inside my head.

And mindfulness helps me to pay attention to the sensations in my body, the telltale signs that show me how I’m managing health-wise. For most people, the relationship between thoughts and decision making is fairly clear, but bodily sensations… not so much. And yet, when we’re nervous we get ‘butterflies’ in our stomachs. When we are stressed, we experience headaches or belly aches. When we are in pain, our muscles tighten and our bodies hurt.

So, it’s time to pay attention, don’t you think?

Well, there you have it. That’s enough, I think. Go find out for yourself. See what you can learn when you bring living mindfully into your way of being.